OF YOU MY HEART HAS SPOKEN

  “You called my youth, sidestepping me away to exile of the heart…”  - words I wrote to You my Lord more than thirty years ago when I felt my separation so keenly.  A deep and all-pervading ache. Not remembering that I was actually born with that ache, an emptiness deep inside that would never let me go no matter how much I tried.  And I have been trying hard to give solace to that ache, to fill the emptiness with what is not You. Rain mesmerises.  Rain on a dark November evening pecking at my face, battering my hood.  Rain on the seafront.  Deserted seafront, releasing what is deserted in me.  Thoughts and feelings that are comfortably restrained, kept in check – now, almost unbeknownst to me, begin to stir like skittish horses, taking on a pace of their own.  I had thought never to revisit this again. The thought of loss.  My failure that somehow led to that loss.  The feeling that goes with it.  And the shock of how it happ...

In preparation for Lent, the question I am asking myself is, "what would Jesus do, what would He have me do?" And St. Paul in Philippians chapter 2 tells us to have the mind of Christ in us, to think like Him and St. Vincent Pallotti tells to act as Jesus would in each moment, in every situation. So, this is the basic goal. February 18th is Ash Wednesday. Fifth anniversary of the death of my friend Father John O’Brien. Birthday of my friend Father John Fitzpatrick who died last August. A significant day for a new chapter in my life. The sabbatical has come to an end. I will be based in Pallotti House, Dundrum and helping out in Shankill for the time being, until a more permanent path opens up. And I am happy with the transience of this period, not in a hurry for permanence. This offers me some kind of balance between my desire for a solitary, contemplative life, and my desire to be engaged in parish life at some level. An engagement without the burden of responsibility, an en...

  "Give me a blade of grass" he said, "and I'm in heaven." And gesturing towards the abundance of grass in Ballyloughan, the variety of nature surrounding us, he continued in admiration, "we have all of this!" What a holy and good attitude to life. We had never met before, though I knew his parents and we are from Mervue. He recognised me from facebook and just wanted to say hello. It was one of those blessed and uplifting encounters and, like me, I suspect he is drawn to solitude. It is easier to be alone than to be with people, the obligations that arise from simply being with another. It is easier and yet it is harder. Harder, because we in solitude we can become our own burden and so, it is essential to get out of ourselves, out into nature, out into encounters with other people who save us from ourselves. And also, because we have something to offer to the other, whether we realize it or not. How to marry the two. The solitude that is deeply...

I have praised The wonder of God's creatures With little thought For the design of crows Until now In this wild Seashore sanctuary The thrill frill Of outstretched wings Flapping elegance Like Joni On the cover Of Hejira Skating on ice Beautiful blackness Rising upon the uprush Of wind My soul in their ascent Uplifted to the highest heavens