OF YOU MY HEART HAS SPOKEN

Lord, it is easier for me to walk with You rather than to sit in front of You to leave rather than to remain to be nomadic rather than sedentary to avoid Your gaze rather than to face it to wear a mask rather than cast it aside I am not the one whom people imagine me to be. There is a me that no-one ever sees No-one but You and my fear is that You do not like what You see But that is not true Because you love even what seems to be unlovable drawing order out of chaos light out of darkness for You see the struggle of it and the hope contained in it for You are at home here whether I sit or whether I walk whether I stand or whether I lay down whether I remain or whether I leave You are my hope You are my home You are everything You are in everything

It was a warm blustery  Sunday evening o n Hastings pier... Waiting for news of Carmel Waiting for Carmel to leave Not that I wanted her to go I would like her to stay on and on We all would But she had to go It was her time Her time was coming And God was calling And I was five hundred miles Away She is my aunt -in-law But really my aunt In affection Sixty odd years  of it When I was a boy of eight or so She came to Raford from Birmingham Young wife and mother Josie's wife Marian's mother Josie was my uncle Raford is the Carty homestead It became Carmel's home Over the past 36 years It has been hers Since Josie died She came to embody Raford She became Raford For me For my family To the eight-year-old boy She was bright, beautiful and warm Very caring We were down by the big metal gate Closing it And my heel got caught in it I cried more loudly than was necessary And Carmel brought me in, took off my white ankle socks, bathed and bandag

  Walking across the beaches Of my childhood Beauty bathing beneath Surprising sunshine Serendipitious solitude A day with no plan in it Upon these rocks is written Dreams with the power of God In them, His Holy Desire Longings heard Prayers answered And I see now As if for the first time Feel afresh the Fulness Freedom of the Sea Freedom of the Holy Spirit Windblown As it was back then As it is right now As it will be in another time Amen

You will not hold You will not be held But briefly Thus spoke the Silence To the emptiness Not for you Such tender comfort Yours the desert thirst That will not be quenched The hunger that will not be satisfied The yearning unfulfilled Until you understand The meaning of all desire Separation being the path to Reparation being the door to Restoration of the soul to Paradise once more

  July 7 - Saba Saba in Tanzania. The Gospel for today is the call of Matthew and it comes a day after I signed up for a Divine Renovation course which is designed to kick-start priests into becoming more effective leaders in parish life, leading the parish itself to new life in the Holy Spirit. The course begins in September on the feast of St. Matthew. I told the young man who interviewed me on Zoom that I was doing it in obedience to a suggestion from a parishioner who sees that I am in need of renovation. And mutual obedience is a characteristic of the Christian life as we are told by Saint Paul - "give way to one another in obedience to Christ." Renovation is one of those odd words that are used in Church circles. Synod being another one that has no use in the language of the ordinary person. Renovation! It brings to mind a crumbling building that is in need of serious repair. But I am taking part in both the Renovation and the Synod. In the first, because I know how muc

From within the Light The Light of Christ Inside me I gaze Upon the Father's Face Who first has gazed on mine And in the Spirit I pray That I may look upon The deepest darkness Of the world The darkness Still in me Remaining unperturbed For being at Peace The Peace of Christ The Light of Christ Within A Light that darkness Cannot overcome

  We held a Corpus Christ procession after the Saturday evening Mass. An experience that was beautiful, and joyful in ways that I would not have expected. I walked under the canopy carrying Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and He was my focus most of the way. By my side walked Deacon Duncan, singing his heart out and a line from one of the hymns registered strongly with me every time he sang it – “Truth itself speaks truly or there’s nothing true.” In the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist we encounter Truth in a very clear and liberating way and my favourite place of prayer is in front of the Tabernacle, mostly in the mornings where Truth reveals itself most in my inmost heart – “in the secret of my heart teach me…” (Psalm 51) The phrase “inmost heart” has come to me from various unconnected sources over the past week. It appears in the first reading Deuteronomy for the feast of Corpus Christi – the “remember” and “do not forget” that are central to the celebration of the Eucharist.